Because I Said I Would.....Jen's world as it is right now
More than a year ago I answered the call to share my WLS story. Pretty much daily I have berated, shamed, chastised myself for not delivering what I said I would. I have felt self induced fear, anxiety and panic as each newsletter was due and I had the remnants of another partially written, yet failed attempt to write the ‘perfect’ story. I’m a recovering perfectionist who’s learning to get comfortable with it being okay to be ‘good enough’.
It is actually a minor miracle you are reading these words. As I type, delete, type... I’m painfully aware Andrea is releasing the newsletter today.
I love to write, I love crafting words, I love all things creative and artistic. My brain is overflowing with potential story ideas yet the ideas I started with last week, last month, the month before that, 3 months ago, a year ago just don’t seem relevant to the crazy, unknown world we find ourselves in right now. Then the internal critic starts chiming in my ear “they won’t want to hear from the WLS cancer girl” and other self-esteem destroying rhetoric.
Some days it takes more effort than others to shove the inner critic back in its box. After writing the above I’m back from challenging that critic with diversion tactics - showered, dressed, breakfast (soaked oats, yoghurt, protein powder, vitamins), hung out two loads of washing, prepped lunch (salmon, boiled egg, salad) and prepped dinner (roasted vege salad with roasted chick peas, chicken thigh stuffed with cream cheese and basil). Take that inner critic - I’m fuelled and have ‘stuff’ to share.
It’s an unprecedented time - how many times have we heard the word “unprecedented” lately? But it really is - the whole world is fighting against the same thing right now. We know this, we’re living it, we’re locked down and if you’re like me, our daily routines which we know are vital to our long term WLS success are feeling a little wobbly. Maintaining routine and a healthy weight are the key reasons I prepare my meals ahead of time - otherwise I’ll get busy, then hungry, then eat chocolate. Day four of lockdown; I’ve suggested my family make their lunches each day as if they were still going to work, uni, tech. I figure that will make going back to work, uni and tech easier for them when this is over plus help flatten the curve of our grocery spend which for four days has been on a steeper curve than any Covid-19 statistics.
Last year when going through cancer treatment I had to self-isolate for the better part of eight months to avoid catching infections or developing complications. Admittedly there were times I was allowed out to shop and play but for the most part I was homebound. I learned pretty quick that lounging around in pj’s everyday wasn’t going to work for me, nor was ‘work-ready’ hair, face and clothes but jeans, jerseys, slippers and an attitude of determination was good enough - the key was actually to get up, get moving, fuel myself for success and stay focused on what I could control. Of course I was anxious, scared and worried about surgery and chemotherapy but I had to make peace with the fact my surgeon and oncologist were in control of those parts of my survival. I had control over my nutrition, fitness, self-care, attitude, risk management, physical and mental well-being plus ensuring I had a positive tribe of support around me. Everything else I had to let go of and have faith, which took some deep digging at times. As I reflect back and vision forward, it was the same when I chose to have weight loss surgery and it’s the same now.
I’m still immunosuppressed even though treatment finished in November. My oncologist advised Graham and I 10 days before the national lockdown that I should self-isolate for 12 weeks - that caused significant fear to arise; again I had to dig deep, focus on what I can control and reach out to my tribe for support. I’ve also had to limit myself to only watching the government daily update, no other Covid-19 media stories (... and don’t you just wish people would stop putting ‘Covid-19’ in email subject headings?!). We’ve set up my fitness circuit on the back lawn again, everyday I write, paint, illustrate, make a mess in my art journals, I spend time in our garden and most importantly I spend time with my family - all these bring me joy. We’re all doing our bit to stay well and get New Zealand well again - it’s strange, it’s different, it’s unknown but it’s still life and we just do what we have to do to live our best life.
Go well WLS comrades - let’s be good enough together.
Jen x
(Jen Richardson - 2 years, 6 months post RNY Gastric Bypass)
If you didn’t hear Jen speak at 2019 Weight Management Conference, Jen had RNY bypass surgery October 2017 and has lost a total of 85kgs pre and post operation. In May 2019, David Schroeder performed a gastroscopy for a suspected stricture. There was no stricture, instead came the diagnosis of stomach cancer. Jen is only the second person in NZ to have had WLS and later developed stomach cancer and one of a handful globally - there is no evidence of a link between the two. Jen is emphatic, as are her medical team, that without WLS her diagnosis would have come much later as stomach cancer is often diagnosed in later stages. Jen’s treatment included pre-operative chemotherapy, Total Gastrectomy and Ivor Lewis Oesophagectomy surgery, followed by post-operative chemotherapy. Jen’s surgery was 100% successful resulting in her being cancer free.