Going deeper to find healing after bariatric surgery
Going Deeper to Find Healing after Bariatric Surgery
By Katie Jay, MSW; Certified Life and Wellness Coach
A few years ago, I became fascinated by pearl divers. They are interesting to me because they are able to dive down deep into the ocean. In fact, some pearl divers go up to 125 feet down into the depths. These deep divers find the largest, most valuable pearls.
Other pearl divers are more conservative and search for the gems in the shallows. These divers find some success, but settle for the smaller, less valuable pearls. (Often they long for the larger pearls, but find many reasons not to go after them.)
Shallower divers can be terrified to face the dangers down deep. And sometimes they just don't understand why the risk is worth their time and effort.
While the shallow-water divers can get to their pearls more quickly and easily, the deeper pearl divers can't dive down 125 feet on their first dive.
A tolerance for going deep is critical to staying alive, so they learn to handle the challenges incrementally, and slowly come to tolerate the stress and pressure necessary to earn the larger catch.
They gain the awareness and skills to cope with the safety issues, physical and environmental challenges, and mental trials. These skills need to be addressed so the divers who want the biggest pearls can get to them.
You might have guessed where I'm going with this analogy. Going deeper in self-awareness and personal growth can be life changing. After WLS, this deeper diving helps us learn to deeply care for ourselves.
The reality is, self-care is a critical skill for long-term satisfaction with WLS. And, sadly, deep self-care is a foreign concept for many bariatric surgery patients.
Even with the chance to benefit by reaching the most valuable pearls, we are drawn to the shallows, because they offer some gems, and give us some relief.
Shallow dives don't require us to face our fears, deal with uncomfortable feelings, and swim into unfamiliar waters. And the rewards are fewer, as a result.
Many of us avoid going deeper into the emotional, relational, and mental realms after weight loss surgery.
I invite you to consider going deeper, so you can live with greater satisfaction and peace after WLS. Here are three tips for going deeper:
You can't teach yourself. Nurture your willingness to share with another human being your desire to go deeper. Seek out "self-aware" teachers who have done it themselves and who do not have a set solution to impose on you.
You can find ways to stay safe. Before going deep, it's essential to learn how to tolerate the depths. Tolerating deep diving means developing both self- and situational-awareness. In addition, you'll need to develop survival skills, such as identifying and practicing skills that help you feel grounded.
You can set boundaries in support of your efforts. Keep in mind that older children can cook, your friend who calls only when she needs something can call someone else, and your church will survive if you don't run the bake sale. Learning how to set boundaries in a kind and healthy way will give you time and emotional space to explore the depths of your soul -- and find healing.
When considering going deeper, remember that your pain deserves soothing. Your mind and body need healing. Your longings are valid. Your heart wants to be whole. Your efforts to improve your health and happiness are worthy.
YOU are worthy.
(And if you need to start with a swimming vest or water wings, it's ok!)
Love,
Katie
From Small Bites, the email newsletter for BariSupport. Subscribe today and get your complimentary report: The 21 Most Common Mistakes People Make after Bariatric Surgery at www.BariSupport.com. © 2023, Katie Jay. All rights reserved.