Strong Not Skinny
When I had to start changing my life, my hobbies and my work, to suit my weight, I knew the time had come. I’d always said I was strong and my body wouldn’t hold me back but that when it did, I’ll sort something.
I asked my GP for a referral to WLS. To be honest, I’d spent a couple of years researching and watching YouTube videos - I knew my days were numbered!
I’ve always been bigger. But I’m a good kiwi farm girl, don’t you know?
After I gave up diving, I just kept getting bigger. I tried things - paleo worked well for me for a bit - but when I slackened off the reins, I found I still had the need to comfort myself with food and alcohol. And I couldn’t stop the circle. I’d stop drinking and eat more. I’d have wines during the week but eat less. But I never felt full inside and now I realise, it wasn’t a full belly I was waiting to feel.
My GP gave me the referral I needed to start saving my life.
I asked to see WLS because I knew they treated the head as well as the belly and I was smart enough to realise it was more than a small tummy that I needed. Plus I had done some survey online that flashed at me “Congratulations Tara, you are a FOOD ADDICT” … and possibly well on the way to being an alcoholic as well. I needed to know how I could deal with that because as we all know, once an addict, always an addict.
Over the last two and a half years, I’ve posted thousands of photographs and blogs and posts on my Allergic to Sugar online diary. I’ve tried to tell my story as honestly as possible. The one thing I cannot make comment about enough is that weight loss surgery IS NOT the easy way out. And seriously, I’ll fight anyone who comes at me in debate.
I attended all of my post op appointments and did the work that Ann asked me. I’ve attended two Foundations of Healthy Living Retreats and am looking to schedule in my date for this year. All of this work, has helped me set myself up for a lifestyle I now love and can add my old hobbies back into - as well as new ones.
In saying all this, I do weigh a few kilos more than my lowest. I don’t talk about my scale weight anymore - unless it's to show someone who is struggling. My trousers are smaller, my fitness is much better and my body fat has gone from 60%+ to 22%. Honestly, it's not about the weight you lose. And I know that’s easy for me to say 2.5 years down the track but if you concentrate on what is important in your life and then create the healthy body and mind to enjoy it.
I am still an addict. I am addicted to food but I believe I am using this to my benefit by spending the time creating delicious and nutritious recipes. Most days I would LOVE a wine, I do love wine, however I understand that drinking puts a two week hold on fat loss - so I need to decide before I pour the glass whether its worth it. I am addicted to working out and the amazing feeling that follows. I think I am a poster child for F45 and cannot wait for the new Hamilton Central studio to open. I do at least 6 classes a week and am lifting weights with the boys! I will never, ever, ever enjoy burpees and I still can’t get my head around a box jump but that’s what goals are for aren’t they?
Please don’t deny your feelings and emotions the chance to get healthy too.
The body does what the brain says and we’re so very, very lucky to have a team to help coach us in that way. The head work is HARD. Reminding yourself that you are enough sounds kooky when you start, believe me I felt it too, however when you start to believe it, it brings self confidence and self worth. And there ain’t no one who’s going to tell me I can’t do something or that I’m not good enough!
For me, there is a lot of work in living healthy. I still make choices that don’t benefit me. I’m not the perfect patient. I am however, hands down, the best project I have ever worked on. xx